In 1986, comedian Steve Martin delivered his timeless “A Holiday Wish” sketch on Saturday Night Live, where he wished, “…that all the children of the world would join hands, and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.”
In tribute to Martin’s hilarious list, including revenge against his enemies, 30 million dollars tax free deposited into a Swiss bank account every month and all encompassing power over every living in the entire universe, here’s my list of seven wishes I had pertaining to sports.
7. MLB cuts the regular season to 116 games.
I don’t need to see my Blue Jays play ten games at decrepit Tropicana Field.
Four games (two home, two away) versus each team, including interleague opponents.
6. The NFL extends the regular season to nineteen games, with two bye weeks.
Unless you are trying to make an NFL roster, preseason is useless.
Add three meaningful games versus non-conference opponents. For example, the Ravens finished second in the AFC North in 2016, so they would play all four NFC North opponents as scheduled, along with second place finishers Arizona, Tampa Bay and the New York Giants.
Add in another bye week, duh.
5. The B1G reshuffles.
Ever since the creation of the B1G Championship Game in 2011, the parity between East and West or “Legends and Leaders” (yikes…) divisions has been appalling. The Wisconsin Badgers practically own a time share in Indianapolis. Why? Because the other “good” teams (Penn State, Ohio State and Michigan) are all beating each other up for the East crown.
The B1G, first, needs to learn how to count (there are 14 teams in the conference now), and second, needs to reshuffle the divisions for better conference matchups.
4. The College Football Playoff, expands to 12 teams.
The top four teams would receive byes, while five plays twelve, six plays eleven, etc. It makes bowl season more interesting, and if 12 teams are good enough for the NFL playoffs, it’s good enough for college football too.
This way we end up with better matches than Ohio State-Clemson or Michigan State-Alabama.
3. No more scheduling FCS teams for Division I Football opponents.
Oklahoma State annihilated Savannah State 84-0 to open the 2012 regular season.
2. Stop ditching stadiums after fifteen to twenty years.
The Arizona Diamondbacks play at Chase Field, which opened in 1998, and hosted the MLB All-Star Game in 2011. For some reason, the team feels it needs a new home.
You don’t get a new ballpark just because a stadium that opened a year ago, has a newer feature than your older model.
This isn’t Apple.
1. 0-0 isn’t a score, and enough with the ties.
Seriously. 0-0 isn’t a score. It’s LACKING a score. Compare a high profile match up between Manchester United and FC Barcelona, where the score ends up 0-0 or 1-0, to the Major Arena Soccer League, where the score can be 14-10, which game do you think is more interesting.
Same goes with ties across all sports. When my beloved Redskins tied the Cincinnati Bengals last October, I felt cheated. I woke up at 6 A.M. for this game, and saw them tie. WORST. GAME. EVER.